fbpx
Home > DRUNKS JOKES

DRUNKS JOKES

The Yoga School

The alcoholic came to the yoga school. – Hi, I am an alcoholic. I’ve read in the magazine that yoga helps alcoholics to change their lives. I think I am ready. Can you please give me a few lessons. – Of course, welcome to the family! (Two months later). – …

Read More »

Signs That You are Way Too Drunk

1. You’re having an imaginary argument with your girlfriend in which you are winning. 2. You want to go the zoo to check out if they have camels there. 3. It is easier to crawl than walk. 4. You insist you’re not drunk, just “intoxicated”. 5. You can see better …

Read More »

Stages of Drunkenness

0 – Sober as a nun. Brain as sharp as a knife until the real party starts. 1 – Light-headed good. There is a feel of a very slight pleasure. 2 – Warning up ahead. Appetizers ordered. Bartender suddenly looks pretty. He’s a dude, by the way. 3 – Starts …

Read More »

Some Things You Just Can’t Explain

A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk. A man came in and asked the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?” The farmer shook his head and replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.” “So what happened that’s so horrible?” the …

Read More »

To Absent Brothers

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender says to him, …

Read More »

Mixed Drink

A girl goes into a bar. She says, “Bartender, give me a triple Jack Daniel’s.” He gives her a triple Jack Daniel’s, and she belts it down. She has five more in a row, belts them all down, passes out dead drunk, and everybody in the bar f..ks her.  The …

Read More »

Scream

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the restroom. A few minutes later, a loud, bloodcurdling scream is heard. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes to investigate why the drunk is screaming. “What’s all the screaming about in …

Read More »

Swing

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. “Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in …

Read More »

Guinness

One sunny day in Ireland, two men were sitting in a pub, drinking some Guinness, when one turns to the other and says: “You see that man over there?, He looks just like me!, I think I’m gonna go over there and talk to him.” So, he goes over to …

Read More »

The Reason

A man was sitting outside the house he was about to be evicted from, he’d divorced his wife, lost his children & job. He picks up the empty bottle of beer near him, smashes it into the wall as he shouts; “You’re the reason I don’t have a wife” To …

Read More »